I am so excited to welcome Lauren Moye as a guest poster today! She blogs at Chaotic Life of Lauren, and she is sharing with you how she inspired her own husband to do great things- without nagging him! That is such a difficult thing to do! She has some great tips, so please leave her an encouraging comment below!
How do you inspire your husband to Spiritual greatness without the nagging? It’s a question that most Christian women – who are caught between the doctrine of submission and the desire for their husband to become a great man of God and the leader of their home – have to face. Fortunately, there is an answer.
How Can You Inspire Your Husband to Spiritual Greatness?
It Starts With Your Own Perspective
Before you can inspire your husband to greatness, you need to accomplish a great feat within yourself: turning a blind eye to the negative in your husband’s daily lives. It’s very easy to think things like, “I wish he read the Bible more” or “I wish he would be more active in church outreaches.”
However, when we focus on the negative, we have a habit of magnifying these traits until it’s all we can see in our husband. We miss the positives: the loyal friend who drops everything to help others, the patience he retains after a long day of work, or how he adheres to his beliefs.
You might be thinking, “That isn’t greatness. That’s just finding the good character traits.”
Just stay with me. We’ll get to that part. Right now, you need to acknowledge a hard truth: you cannot fix your husband. Trying to will lead you straight into nagging.
So accept who your husband is, even the parts that you’re not so crazy about. Commit yourself to loving him where he is at in life. At the same time, follow these tips to inspire your husband to greatness.
5 Ways to Inspire Your Husband to Spiritual Greatness
1. Pray For Your Husband
Even though you cannot fix your husband, it is the Holy Spirit’s job to guard and to guide your husband’s heart. This is why we should pray frequently for our husbands. Remember to keep your perspective on the positive:
- Thank God for putting your husband in your life using very specific reasons. Exp: “Thank you for giving me such a generous and loving man.”
- Ask God to guide your husband’s steps during tricky situations. Exp: “Please give my husband wisdom as he deals with his overbearing boss today at work.”
- Ask God to give your husband opportunities to become great. Exp: “Give my husband a chance to show Your love to somebody today.”
2. Tell Him that He’s Great
Somewhere during the early days of my marriage, I came across a quote that said, “Tell a man that he is great and that is exactly what he’ll become.”
It was like a lightbulb going off in my mind. I began to tell my husband that he was a great leader, a great man, and a great Christian. Then, I started getting specific. I complimented him on how he always stood up for what was right. I told him that I admired his generosity even when it sometimes stressed me to watch our limited resources dwindle.
3. Write it Out
When Paul wrote his letters in the Bible, there is often an opening prayer segment. It goes like this: “I thank God when I pray for you, because…”
Take a lesson from Paul. Don’t just thank your husband for being a great guy while silently praying for him. Instead, write your husband a summary of your prayers while praising who he is.
4. Let Him Do the Talking
Try asking your husband for his thoughts on a something: “Hey husband, how do you think we can worship God as a family?” or “How can we raise godly kids?”
You may not get an answer immediately. In some cases, you may not get an answer. That’s okay. Your husband needs to make his own decisions on his behavior. You’re simply waiting to get his own ideas on what would be great.
When he makes a suggestion, you have a chance to agree or to add your own thoughts. At this point, it’s a discussion. You’re not trying to force him into doing anything. You don’t need to bring the conversation up again two days later, or to run with his suggestions for him.
Just wait and continue to pray for your man. You might be surprised by how easily your husband says, “Let’s do this!” when you give him the space to make his own choice.
5. Lead By Example
You don’t have to wait for your husband to step into greatness for you to live a life of greatness yourself. Talk about your Spiritual struggles with him, your life goals, find ministry and learning opportunities, and then incorporate the things that you want into your life. You don’t have to demand that he join in with these things.
Be pleasant and helpful. Demonstrate what a peaceful and joyous life looks like. When appropriate, ask him if he would like to join you. For example:
- “The church is throwing a block party in a few months and I want to take the kids to help run the games. Do you want to join us?”
- “Your work situation has me feeling stressed. Do you mind if I pray out-loud for you?”
- “We’re going shopping for shoebox fillings tomorrow night. Do you want to help?”
Wait…isn’t that taking his role from him?
In Judges, we find a prophetess named Deborah who acted as Judge over Israel. Deborah was married (Judges 4:4). If God blessed Deborah’s work as the leader of His nation, then I think it’s safe to say that wives can choose to do ministry outside of their husband’s direction.
The key is to not force or nag your husband into doing something with you. You also shouldn’t do something against your husband’s wishes.
How I Know This Works
There’s a funny story that explains why I believe these are all things that will inspire a man to Spiritual Greatness. You see, when I got married to this certain boy I met in college, he wanted to be a lawyer. He also came from a completely different family background when it came to Spiritual stuff.
I had no doubts that he was a Christian and had a desire to follow God, but he didn’t know ministry. Just to clarify, back then I just meant ministry as the basic things that every Christian should be doing to spread the gospel.
So I used these very same tips that I just gave you. You know what happened? He felt called into youth ministry. Of course, I was completely taken aback by this. Not once did I ever feel like God told me, “Your husband will be in ministry.”
When I explained this to a friend, she looked shocked. “Lauren, even I knew that about you.”
Several years later, my husband is no longer in youth ministry. However, he frequently comes home from work and says, “You never really quit ministry once you start.” He then shares a story of how he gave godly advice to a coworker.
Will this happen for you if you follow my advice? Maybe not, but I’m willing to bet that you’ll be astounded by how God does work through your husband and in your relationship.
Lauren C. Moye is a wife, mother, and writer, but in a former life, she was a Communications major. If she’s not chasing a toddler or tripping over a cat, she’s normally blogging at Chaotic Life of Lauren, where she helps busy Christian moms manage life. For more relationship advice by Lauren, please see “The Simple Trick that Stops Fights from Defining Your Relationship.”